i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
