you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize