Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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