That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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