the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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