I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
