3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
