A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
