matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
