It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
