he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
