We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
