I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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