I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
