What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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