On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jerry, you need to find god
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
