His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
