you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize