just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
