i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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