please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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