I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
there is puke in my bra ... again
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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