He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
