Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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