Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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