Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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