Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
