Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
