before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
