Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
