two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize