Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
