Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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