coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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