My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
