Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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