Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize