Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you will always have a special place in my vag
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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