i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
