don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
