he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
