the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
