She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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