"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
