im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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