I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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