Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
