Umm I'm too high to move.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
