At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
