Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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