OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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