Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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