chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
