If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
