Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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