Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
that's an acceptable place to lick
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
