I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
