This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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