i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
