I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
