I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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