you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
