The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
