I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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