I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize