i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All the doctor said was why
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
