my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i dont even know how to be here
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
