Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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