are you still at the devil's house?
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
