I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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