how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
