Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
