and you said cock pushups were impossible
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize