You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
