her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
