he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
