In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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