ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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