spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
