If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
