I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
