For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You ruined the universe
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
