They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
