I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
