I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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