I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
