Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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