In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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