So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
