I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
it hurts more in the daytime
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
