I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
