I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
