I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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