I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
