I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
