I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Randomize
