where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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