he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
