so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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