I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
