It's just like the Real World with babies
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
