Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
