In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
