i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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