i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
