He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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