Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
