HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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