I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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