wakey wakey hands off snakey
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
